How to Deal With Aggression And Bullying in kids

How do kids show their aggression:

  • Beating, pushing, teasing the younger and weaker ones. 
  • Trying to throw and damage household or surrounding articles. 
  • Disobeying and misbehaving with the elders.
  • Screaming and beating themselves including hitting the head with hand or objects.

Causes of Aggressiveness:

Aggression is more likely to arise when a child is feeling hungry, thirsty, sick, and work done by anyone that they disapprove of. For example, Children have a habit of watching television. If we prevent the kid from watching the television the child gets irritated and shows aggressiveness, and also throws the remote of television in some cases. Children who have not learned self-control often act aggressively. Anger and sadness are also expressed by a child as aggression.

How to deal with aggressive behavior:

  • Being polite by a proper communicable method and giving them all motivational messages will help. 
  • Scolding must be avoided when a child is in an aggressive mood.
  • In case of hunger, solve their feelings according to their needs.
  • Always give good behavior tips to your child.
  • Allow them to read and to see pictures that are printed in the book.
  • Encourage reading good behavior habits aloud with the teachers and parents.
We know this but how to do it practically? Here are some tips to help yourself as well as the child.

Tip 1: Lower yourself or your position:  

Simply lower yourself when you stand over your child especially young children your body language can really appear physically imposing and intimidating and even terrorizing to a child who's already outside of their ability to calm down or cope without assistance. So simply bend down or sit down and lower yourself to your child's level and as you do you can take a deep cleansing breath to help you reset your own nervous system and activate your reflection process. Your position is not intended to show permissiveness or submission but to create the safety that your child's brain needs to turn off the stress response and turn on his thinking brain.

Tip 2: Soften and Relax your face:

Your face is another non-verbal signal that you can use to ease your child's reactionary behavior. When we see our children become aggressive or otherwise behave inappropriately our own stress response is also alerted and prompted to take action. Now, we adults have the choice. If we allow our anger to take over unrestrained then our face and our body language will follow suit our forehead will wrinkle, we may use eyes to show authority or instill fear. We may flare our lips or nostrils and all of this happens instantaneously and often without our conscious awareness. So it is important to be cognizant of your facial expressions and in that awareness soften your features.

Tip 3: Use a Neutral emotional tone:

We may not be able to express enough how powerful it is to simply change the way that you speak to neutralize your tone, neutralize the manner in the attitude in which you make your requests, or attempts to solve conflicts. A neutral tone is not intended to placate children or to allow unacceptable behavior or give inauthentic information. It's a tool to lessen the experience of threat that the child's nervous system is picking up on and give them a wider perspective to make better choices.

Tip 4: Notice progress, not perfection:

Often when kids start to make progress in their behaviors we want more or we want it faster or we question why they didn't meet our expectations in the first place when we know that they are capable. For example, a child may try to make amends for wrongdoing, and then in our own discomfort of the situation or fear we rush in seeking perfection instead of progress and we might say something like, I see that you are done with your dress but your shoes are still not there. This sends the message that what our kids did wasn't enough and they aren't capable or they have once again disappointed us and they need to prove themselves by doing more doing it faster or by being better but what if for just one moment we could give our kids the validation and support that they need by acknowledging what they did right instead of reinforcing how they didn't quite meet the expectation that we had. This is how we can foster far more positive behaviors and our kids now and this doesn't mean praising them all the time but by giving your child credit for the small successes that will boost their belief in his or her ability to do better the next time. You can tell your child we managed to put on all the clothes and you only have your shoes left, and that would be a great start and this gives your child a sense of accomplishment and motivation to continue.

Bullying in Kids and adolescents:

Studies have shown that around one-third of all students face bullying at one point or the other.

Identification of bullying may not be straightforward sometimes as it can also be indirect. Let us see the different types of bullying that may be encountered.

  • Physical bullying: Unwelcoming touching, pushing, or physical contact. Extorting personal things or money by threatening. Excluding intentionally from a group or avoiding. Doing or planning things that land the other person in trouble.
  • Verbal bullying: Taunting, false saying, threatening, name-calling, or any type of unpleasant conversation that is not welcome.
  • Written or Online/Cyber Bullying: Sending threatening notes or emails or letters or messages on social media platforms. Making abusive calls that can be through any medium.
Impact of Bullying:

  • Lacking trust in friendship or relationship. 
  • Having nightmares due to the incidents faced.
  • Reduced self-esteem and having unproductive feelings in anything.
  • Feeling disconnected from school or college.
  • Not responsive to anyone and being reserved.
  • Showing disrespect to people in the family or neighborhood.
  • Getting into fights and not interested in going to school or leave early.

Measures for controlling the menace of Bullying:

When a child engages in this type of problem, the parents should give examples of their own experiences of being bullied and how they overcame it, or how they bullied someone and faced negative consequences due to that, as it makes the child feel a connection. Without this giving advice may not be as impactful as including personal touch to it.

There should be norms and rules for dealing with misbehavior, indiscipline, and bullying on the part of the children at home as well as school. Parents and teachers should talk to set a uniform code so that the child knows the consequences of bullying.

It is a good idea to have surveillance placed in a school in all places, to notice any unwanted activities going in and around the school campus.

Educating the child on how to deal with a bully:

You can explain the below four-step method to your kid to boost their confidence in dealing with a bully.

Step 1: Explain that it isn't the kid's fault. There are multitudes of reasons why bullies do what they do, but these have little to do with you and a lot to do with the bully's personal issues. So don't start viewing yourself with your eyes as you will see an inaccurate self-portrait. Write down all the great qualities that make you stand out from the crowd. Maybe you get good grades in English class, Maybe you are an amazing music player or you are good at helping and kind to others. Whatever it is, get it down on paper. This is the person you actually are. Next time a bully makes you feel like you're something less, you have this amazing collection of positive traits and talents, remember the list.

Step 2: Build a protective circle. Surround yourself with the people who care about you and appreciate you for exactly who you are. You don't have to go through this experience without backup. If you are having trouble finding people, try seeking out friends who have similar interests. Look for clubs at your school or local community center, audition for theatre, try out a sport, whatever it is that you are interested in.

Step 3: A bully is like a grizzly bear. No, seriously. That's exactly how you should treat a bully if you are getting picked on. Play dead, meaning ignore the bully. This is perhaps the most recommended anti-bullying tactic and it should be your first resort. Sometimes, all a bully wants to get is a reaction, and if he doesn't receive it, he'll get bored and move on. Better yet, use your humor to alleviate it and you might just confound him into silence. Travel in groups, just like you shouldn't go camping without a buddy system, try not to get caught alone with the bully. Stick close to your friends. It'll be hard for the bully to get to you if you're with your friends. If you get caught alone and you feel unsafe or overwhelmed, find a way to extricate from the situation. Go get help or find your friends.

Step 4: Find someone you can talk to. Speak out. Nobody has the right to make you feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or unhappy. Find someone you trust, a teacher, guidance counselor, a parent, a friend, and tell them what is going on. There is no reason for you to have to tackle this problem all by yourself, there are people out there who will drop anything to help you. If you are uncomfortable approaching someone at school, there are other places to turn. You can call the child helpline. Ultimately, Please don't let yourself believe that you're in this without a life jacket. Turn to your friends, turn to your parents, or turn to the helpline in extreme cases.

Help your child come out of aggression and bullying as they are the major and most common behavioral issues.


  1. Very informative post. Everybody deals with the issue of bullying at some point in their life, if not as a kid then as a parent sometimes you puzzle when your kid bullied in school. You explained very well that how a kid can deal with a bully. It's not that a kid being bullied needs help only but a kid who used to bully other kids also needs some help. Often it has been seen that a kid used to bully has either some psychological problem or himself dealing with some problems in his life. Parents must spend some quality time with kids and observe if any change in their behavior or performance. Thanks for the thoughtful post. Keep sharing!

    1. Thank you! Please do follow the blog and share.


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